paths

I just finished reading many of Charlene's posts, which leaves my heart feeling heavier than it did before. I, too, have to realign thought undercurrents to fit in better with societal conversation pitter-patter. I don't have the desire to talk about societal ills so much as ways to combat them. I think that allows me to keep an optimistic outlook, searching out people and ideas that inspire. Success with "activism" ebbs and flows. It's important to reflect on the triumphs to see how they can help re-frame the failures.

Two somewhat distinct paths are laid out for me. My heart is focusing on defining my community as the country, state, and city in which I have lived most of my life and know best. Yet, I still have a penchant for the unknown, particularly the more impoverished unknown. I find myself less driven than Charlene towards human rights struggles in other nations. I do not share their oppression and as much as I can sympathize and feel for their struggle, the amount of time it would take me to integrate myself in such a conflict and the inability to assimilate culturally steers me away from this path.

As for working on economic development in developing countries, I am waffling about this possible destiny as well. I have an opportunity to work for MeryCorps in Nepal this winter. It would be an opportunity to tour the country, learn about their economic development and disaster relief programs, offer advice (advice deemed valid because of my education), and gain some understanding of another culture and people. Through most of my life, I would have jumped at such an opportunity. But, perhaps for the first time, I am hesitant enough to not follow through. Apart from the long, expensive plane ride and missing my family and friends over the holidays, I have ethical qualms about making this journey. The organization would put me up and feed me and bring me in as an "expert" so that they may better their programs with the hope that I would do research on their behalf at a later date.

I have been having a long-running debate with a friend about our morally defensible sphere of influence. He contends that bringing western progressive ideals to a non-western place is no better than multinational corporations and international governmental organizations making their mark on the world. Some might argue that international non-profits are necessary to clean up the original mess of developed country meddling. But might the best solution be getting out of there all together? Even groups that bring seemingly necessary aid such as aids/hiv drugs to Africa and food to famine-stricken countries have an ideology that they are promoting. So, if female genital cutting is being practiced, as a westerner, does my opinion count? I have most often viewed national boundaries with little respect. I see myself as a world citizen. But yet, my world citizen status is incredibly privileged, allowing me to make a much greater impact on people around the globe than I might have had if I grew up in Cambodia. Perhaps I can go to Nepal with the understanding of my privilege and confront and question my authority when the need arises. It's ironic that even though I worry about the negative effects of privilege, I continue to strive for accolades and titles that elevate my status and afford me the most opportunities possible to exercise my beliefs.